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jokes

Best Prank Call ever
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The Pearly Gates
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A Muslim dies, and by some error in his handling, ends up in heaven …  He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says: “Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven”.  “What?,,,, replies the Muslim, and why not”? “Well, we just don’t!! … and that’s it … we’re short on Virgins”. The […]

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Drafting Guys Over 65
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Drafting Guys Over 65.  This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier… New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 65! I am over 65 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.  […]

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Blonde Phone Call
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BLONDE PHONE CALL!! “Hi Mum, How are you?”   “Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at Bunnings”   “Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call”   “What happened?”   “Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.”   “What on earth, […]

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What State are you in?
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New South Wales   A senior citizen drove his brand new Holden Senator out of the dealership Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 120kph, enjoying the power of the car …. Amazing, he thought as he flew down the F3, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he […]

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Yoga vs. Liquor I had no idea!!!
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Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does!!!

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Mohammads first day of school
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Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school. “What’s your name?” asked the teacher. “Mohammad,” he replied. “You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Frank.” Mohammad returned home after school. “How was your day, Mohammad?” his mother asked. “My name is not Mohammad. I’m […]

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Grumpy old men fix Australia
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  Absolutely love this, who-ever thought it up is a genius, they need congratulating. Enjoy Dear Mr. Abbott as the official replacement for Mr Rudd, please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia ‘s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to car companies & other business that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following […]

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Creating a password
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  cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character […]

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Neil Armstrong…….. priceless!
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  ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, “THAT’S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND,” WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.* BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, […]

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