Prize Winning Idiots of 2013
Number One. "I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and, at the end of the
conversation, happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring
her daughter into the emergency room right away".
Number Two. Some Boeing employees on the airfield in Sydney decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Number Three. A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the
Branch and wrote 'Put all ya muny in this beeg.' While standing in line,
waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She
read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the Harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of
Queensland. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the
Bank of Queensland. Happened in Brisbane.
Number Four. A guy walked into a little corner store in Cairns with a
shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as
well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are
over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the
Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours
Number Five. A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him. Happened in Adelaide
Number Six . A guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back
knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of
Flexi-Glass... The whole event was caught on videotape. Happened in Perth WA
Number seven. "My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said was
sorry, but they only had iceberg." Happened in Surfer's Paradise.
Number eight. "I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded. "That's why we ask."
Happened in Melbourne ....
Number nine. "When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer's to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the
technician, 'it's open!' His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'"
Happened at the FORD dealership, Dubbo.