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Jokes Archives - David Ashton's Skills for Life

Wissdom of Allah!
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GS Productions Presents: Allahn huh? Aknab!!!I present to you brothers, an almost perfect jihad attack by the Mujahedin brothers in Taliban, in a village just outside the modern meteropol of Kabul in Afghanistan!!! Piece!!! Allahn knows, most merryfull!!! Salami!!!   Play Video copyright Goat Shagga Productions all rights reserved. Allah Ackbar sound.

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Best Prank Call ever
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The Pearly Gates
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A Muslim dies, and by some error in his handling, ends up in heaven …  He’s stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says: “Sorry, but we don’t allow Muslims into Heaven”.  “What?,,,, replies the Muslim, and why not”? “Well, we just don’t!! … and that’s it … we’re short on Virgins”. The […]

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Drafting Guys Over 65
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Drafting Guys Over 65.  This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier… New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 65! I am over 65 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.  […]

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Blonde Phone Call
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BLONDE PHONE CALL!! “Hi Mum, How are you?”   “Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at Bunnings”   “Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call”   “What happened?”   “Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.”   “What on earth, […]

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What State are you in?
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New South Wales   A senior citizen drove his brand new Holden Senator out of the dealership Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 120kph, enjoying the power of the car …. Amazing, he thought as he flew down the F3, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he […]

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Yoga vs. Liquor I had no idea!!!
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Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does!!!

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Awesome new technology better than an iPad
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A Message from the Queen
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Welcome to my website! Dear reader, I note you are from [mygeo_country_name], please don’t be offended by this joke but do pass it on and enjoy all my other jokes on this site….. regards David CEO To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In light of […]

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Prize Winning Idiots of 2013
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Prize Winning Idiots of 2013Number One. “I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicologyat the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in veryupset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quicklyreassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need tobring her daughter […]

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Mohammads first day of school
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Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school. “What’s your name?” asked the teacher. “Mohammad,” he replied. “You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Frank.” Mohammad returned home after school. “How was your day, Mohammad?” his mother asked. “My name is not Mohammad. I’m […]

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Classic Newspaper Headline Bloopers
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Grumpy old men fix Australia
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  Absolutely love this, who-ever thought it up is a genius, they need congratulating. Enjoy Dear Mr. Abbott as the official replacement for Mr Rudd, please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia ‘s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to car companies & other business that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following […]

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Men are just happier people
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Men Are Just Happier People What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack… You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to […]

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Creating a password
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  cabbage Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. boiled cabbage Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. 1 boiled cabbage Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. 50fuckingboiledcabbages Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character […]

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